I woke up at 4:11 from a dream in which the VW van I was driving lost its braking power and, after steering it to safety on a meadow, I continued my travels astride an Island pony. Wanted to get up to start writing this post but, not wanting to wake my hosts,calmed myself back to sleep by doing deep-belly breathing.
Yesterdays was a day of much information and a few startling insights (see two previous posts to explain where I am this week). The most profound thing by far occurred during the morning break when I took another student aside and asked her to help me figure out what this ‘divine’ was which everyone seems to be talking about. In my mind ‘divine’ equalled ‘god’ and, as practitioner of a non-theistic (no god) religion, I was getting more and more confused and irritated — to the point that I silently concluded that this training wasn’t for me and that I’d best leaved the program.
Fortunately, the person I asked listened carefully and thus heard my cry for clarity. Have you ever felt as if guided by a force, a mysterious hand, something beyond your comprehension? Of course, I have! So many times at hospice or in one of my current volunteer jobs, or when talking to a stranger who tells me that we’re having instant report and she or he is able to tell me things that are most private — there are moments when I’m absolutely present, when the words and gestures coming from body are not of my own making, when I feel a mere vehicle, a conduit, for what I sometimes call ‘spirit’ or with the Greek word ‘pneuma,’ meaning breath, wind, or spirit.
Afterwards, when trying to make sense of the experience, I’d see it as ‘bigger than myself,’ something my mind alone could not have devised on its own, something ‘mystical’ for lack of another explanation.
Well, said my friend, think of that as the Divine working in and through you.