Following the theme of Saturday’s post, I continue to marvel at this current state of well-being. Out of habit, I wait for the other shoe to drop: for depression to descend, boredom to return, and doubts to run the show once more — because that’s familiar, that how it’s been for most of my adult life. “For some of us,” writes Joyce Frazee*,
“it takes courage just to live our daily lives. Every day we awaken to face the demons of our lives: perfectionism, guilt, avoidance, shame, despair, and failure. Time passes and we become skilful at living, despite a constant awareness that these demons are draining our energy, limiting our joy and freedom, and, in essence, preventing us from experiencing the fullness of life.”
So what happens when a man who, after years of such a roller-coaster existence, notices that the swirling diminishes enough for him to discern patterns of soothing colours and stretches of calmly rolling waves? His vocabulary proves inadequate as he scrambles for words to describe what he sees, feels, and senses. In the market place he encounters people of like mind, making him wonder where they‘ve been all his life. Pressed to eloquate his amazement, he borrows from poets and mystics and goes on about the heart and the beauty of everything. And always, as long as he remembers to go there, he finds refuge in the silence of the next heartbeat.
*Joyce Frazee was a gifted therapist and teacher who trained with Fritz Perls, creator of Gestalt Therapy. I participated in one of her workshop at Esalen and briefly saw her as a private client; she died in 2002. I found this quote in a course description.