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a sensation named “pain”

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Heading into the fourth night of relentless pain, I reflect on my up-and-down reactivity. I find myself shifting from I’ve had enough, to Why can’t this be fixed, to so this is what it means getting old and decrepit, to I’m bored with this malady, to … any number of combinations, one morphing into the next, each lasting only as long as I feed them with attentive energy.

The most intriguing observation is of a fleeting state in which my mind views things impartially, beyond body and ego. Such moments of detachment are marked by sober observation, without complaint or judgmentsKen Wilber names this observing consciousness Witness, a state not attached to the objects that pass in and out of awareness.

source: Wilber, K. (1999). One taste: the journals of Ken Wilber. Boston: Shambala, pp. 533-536.


4 responses »

  1. from J~

    I’m glad you wrote about this. This has been my experience since starting to meditate regularly. I get these fleeting glimpses of what I call the right way of thinking or clarity and it feels great. Then they are gone although I suspect not entirely. I usually catch myself blaming myself for not being able to maintain it but I’m getting a bit more kind. I guess the practice is to not be attached to it and feel grateful for experiencing it at all. It’s these glimpses that make me keep sitting.

  2. you run the risk of getting attached to glimpses.
    frustration and self-blaming are forms of suffering.
    “zazen* is good for nothing.” (Sawaki Roshi, Japanese Zen Master, 1830-1965). * sitting meditation

  3. No real words of wisdom… just letting you know I am thinking of you and sending you healing energy.

    Plus… these snow flakes are really cool… 🙂


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