This morning, seemingly out of nowhere, came an insight: let go some more, release the grip on an old fantasy which you know, deep in your heart, is no more than bubbles in the air.
Do you ever have sich an experience? When you find that you’ve been creating all sorts of rational (in my case romantic) reasons for clinging to something that’s no more, perhaps never was. Some small parts of you, the scared one perhaps, just won’t let go … until scales fall from your eyes and, for a tiny moment, you clearly see what is, and you know that you can (and won’t) fool yourself any longer.
Funny what causes such insights. Last night, flicking past a preview of a police drama to get to the film I wanted to watch, I heard one character ask, “What’re ya gonna do about it?” to which the other replied, with gritted teeth, “I’m gonna get to the truth!” What a silly exchange, I thought at the time, who writes such crap. But something obviously stuck and wormed itself into my unconscious as I slept.
A pilgrim was walking along a road one day when he passed what seemed to be a monk sitting in a field. Nearby men were working on a stone building.
“You look like a monk,” the pilgrim said.
“I am that,” said the monk.
“Who is that working on the abbey?”
“My monks,” said the man. “I’m the abbot.”
“It’s good to see a monastery going up,” said the pilgrim.
“They’re tearing it down,” said the abbot.
“So we can see the sun rise at dawn.”
source: Moore, T. (1994). Meditations: on the monk who dwells in daily life. New York: HarperCollinsPublishers, p. 20