“opening the hand of thought”

Uchiyama, K. (1993). Opening the hand of thought. Okamura, S. & Wright, T. (eds.). Arcana/Penguin.
I’ve quoted from this book a few times and today borrow a review from Br. Harold Thibodeau. It’s remarkable in that it comes from a Roman Catholic monk who, coincidentally, lives at Gethsemani Abbey in Kentucky which was Thomas Merton’s home for 27 years.
In this book, Zen Master Kosho Uchiyama [...]

caravan of despair

Come, come, whoever you are.
Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.
It doesn’t matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow
a thousand times
Come, yet again, come, come.
Rumi (1207 – 1273),
Persian poet, Islamic jurist, theologian, and mystic. 

bag of bones

During meditation yesterday I experienced not being my body. It felt as if I was observing a mechanism that gurgled, pumped, creaked, and functioned independent of ‘me.’ Meditation teachers say that we’re not our bodies, that my body is a construct of the ego which wants to control and know everything. They encourage us not to [...]

drunk in the garden

My friend Ryushin (“dragon heart“) is senior novice at Great Vow Zen Monastery. Many things keep him from sleeping past 3:43 in the morning; his current duties include caring for the gardens. He writes:
Where’s that Sacred Fool? You’ll find him in the garden whispering sweet nothings to Chamomile sprouts. He sews seeds calling each by their [...]

trusting the current

 
Partial to pine cliffs and lonely trails,
an old man laughs at himself when he falters,
even now after all these years:
trusting the current like an unmoored boat.

Shih-te, ca. 700 CE
image: Pablo Picasso (1881-1973) Self Portrait 1972

just beyond fear

How can I assist someone prepare for death (see Monday’s post) while being afraid myself? By being honest with them, not pretending to know, I’d say, and by offering to accompany them wholeheartedly on the path. Zen teachings advise us to die before you die. That is, to practice dying with each conscious moment so that [...]

“not knowing” in action

Again and again I’m amazed how I’m able to step into unfamiliar situations (at hospice) and intuitively know what to do or not do, when to speak and when to remain silent, when to stay and when to leave, when to touch and when to keep a distance. I don’t have a perfect record and sometimes wished I [...]

mining for gold

A terminal ill patient has invited me along as he prepares for death. How do I do this? he asked yesterday; the timing and circumstances of my end are out of my control. Yet I like to control things, in fact I’m obsessed with it. I want to let go and hold on, all at the same time. 
We sat [...]

our sunday poem (may sarton)

 
Now I become myself. It’s taken
Time, many years and places;
I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people’s faces,
Run madly, as if Time were there,
Terribly old, crying a warning,
“Hurry, you will be dead before–”
(What? Before you reach the morning?
Or the end of the poem is clear?
Or love safe in the walled city?)
Now to stand still, to [...]

lightly, my darling

Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) wrote poems, travel writing, short stories, essays, and film scripts. His final novel, Island (1962), takes us to Utopia and offers a counterpoint to his earlier, better-known, and pessimistic Brave New World (1932). Here he writes with poetic sensitivity about one woman accompanying another toward death. Rereading the text reminds me that her advice applies equally to everyday living.
Lightly, [...]

nothing to hold on to

The Master gives herself up
to whatever the moment brings.
She knows that she is going to die,
and she has nothing left to hold on to:
no illusion in her mind,
no resistances in her body.
She doesn’t think about her actions;
they flow from the core of her being.
She holds nothing back from life;
therefore she is ready for death,
as someone [...]

stupor

Why do we avoid talking about something that’s guaranteed to come our way? Which part of d-y-i-n-g scares me the most? What keeps me believing that others will and I won’t die tomorrow, makes me fuss with savings so I’ll be secure ‘when I get old,’ makes me hord stuff ‘just in case I need it,’ and why, pray, am [...]

gps for mortals

Being afraid of death is natural, normal, healthy–even for those who witness it every day. Comments on yesterday’s post agree that it’s a mystery we all share in some way or another. Judith Lief, a teacher in the Shambhala tradition and presenter to hospice workers, care givers, and medical personnel, writes:
The contemplation of death is a traditional [...]

afraid to die, anyone?

Many if not most people are — I certainly am. At least at first sight at the question. Sitting with it a little longer, it morphs into “what scares me when I think about dying?”
“Would it not be better to give death the place in actuality and in our thoughts which properly belongs to it?” [...]

the task of living authentically

“Is it possible, I asked myself, that I’m being summoned from some deep and holy place within? Am I being asked to enter a passage in the spiritual life — the journey from false self to true self? Am I being asked to dismantle old masks and patterns and unfold a deeper, more authentic self [...]